Judgemental

So, this has been a big discussion for a while now but I just want to talk a little bit about my experiences about being judged, particularly recently with thinking about having a second baby.

Oscar, our nearly 4 year old, was a happy little accident. Andy and I had only been together about a year and were still living with parents, but it happened and it's been great. We love Ozzy and the fact that I'm a young mum hasn't really bothered most people. Occasionally I'll get double glazing salespeople asking me if my mum is home but on the whole i've not had many problems.

The fact of the matter is, I'm not married yet. The main reason being is, I want a wedding where all our friends and family can be there and it be a proper celebration of our love. I don't want it to be huge, just simple but fun! But of course weddings are very expensive! We just can't really afford to do it for the foreseeable future, particularly because I'm not getting any hours at work at the moment so our income is lower. 

So when I've been telling people lately that I'm not married, I have one child and we're in talks about a second child they seem to think that I am just a leech sucking off peoples tax money through Job Seekers Allowance (which by the way I've never touched in my life, even at my lowest of low points).

I'm totally fine with not getting married for now. I'm engaged, Andy proposed to me a while ago and we're trusting and comfortable with each other enough that I don't mind the wait. It is after all, only a name change and a bit of paper. I don't see how this decision has made people think that I am any less of a person than someone who is married. 

In today's society it is completely acceptable to have children and not be married, so I don't quite understand why I'm hearing this abuse now and not before when It's just been Oscar. 

I recently asked someone what they thought my next step should be, go back to Uni to study something I would quite enjoy doing, which would also benefit my family as I'd be earning much more money, It would also mean Andy can afford to quit his job and join the Army/Police as he has been planning to do for a while, OR, should I complete our family first and wait a while. Careers last a whole lifetime, whereas if I leave having another child too much later, there will be a massive age gap between Oscar and his little brother or sister which I would prefer not to have to do. They almost screamed at me and told me to get a proper job and suck it up basically.

I just find it all really rather sudden. Why now? Why is it I get this abuse at my second child and not my first? I was very much worse off financially then as well. I just don't get it!